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Are the people around you actually having more fun in life, just because they aren’t in a situation that you are in?If you are single, you jump into a crappy relationship only to run out with a broken heart.Most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.To write about single life, and to ground what you write in science—which I try to do—is to be constantly put on the defensive.On the other hand, there will be times when you would walk out of a perfect relationship just because you assume your single friends are having more fun than you are. It’s not going to be any different if you’re single or in a relationship.Unless, maybe if you were Snoop Dogg, in which case, perhaps Alabama grass would be a better experience than some other grass.We’ve seen our ancestors move from one land to another in search of the proverbial ‘greener pastures’. When you’re single, all your friends talk to you about how good it is to see someone, and be a couple.
I have described many of those findings here, such as the underwhelming results of the 18 long-term studies of the happiness of people who get married, and the unimpressive differences in suicide rates in the best research that can be conducted within the ever-present restraints of doing research on marital status (e.g., you can’t randomly assign people to different marital statuses).
If you were at a restaurant and you ordered a steak, and the person at the next table ordered a whole chicken, it’s human nature to wish you would have ordered the whole chicken instead. You eat your steak, constantly eyeing the apparently delicious chicken in the next table, and you don’t feel like eating the steak anymore.
You think about it, and call your waiter and order the whole chicken.
The weak or non-existent differences are remarkable for a number of reasons.
As I have explained many times before, most research is biased to produce results that look more positive for married people than they really are.
The dish is served to you and you dig in, expecting to relish the dish that had you drooling for so long.